Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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