So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
