I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
