You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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