Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
