Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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