Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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