Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
