loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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