Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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