How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
