i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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