She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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