Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
