8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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