I am puke
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
