girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
