I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
