he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
