well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
