your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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