my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
