so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
