You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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