Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
