I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
