so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
