is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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