I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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