Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
