if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
