Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
