You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
