If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's great music for shaving your balls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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