I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
