What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
