Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
