We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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