The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
