as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
