i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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