He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
