All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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