Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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