I could make wine with my vomit
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
