1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
