so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
