did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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