you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
