so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
