I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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